New Year's Day Fireworks!

Yesterday I went to One Utama with my sister and her boyfriend to enjoy the fireworks for the new year countdown. Bloody hell, the roads are bloody jammed. It's a good thing my sis's boyfriend knew his way and took a shortcut. So we parked at One Utama outdoor parking and just waited there. Right at the stoke of midnight, tonnes of fireworks blasted through the air, creating a magnificent array of glowing thunder.

This is the finale from One Utama. It's a big one.

This is the finale from the Curve. It's a lot less bang but more beautiful.

HATE not LOVE!

HATE is a strong word. Some people would rather use not like or disapprove instead. But I LOVE to HATE and HATE to LOVE. I HATE a lot of people in this world. Sometimes I just feel like killing them. Shocked? Don't be. I may be warm and caring ( heh heh a bit of a boaster too ) but deep inside I'm a very dark man. That's why I listened to Heavy Metal songs to feed on my HATRED. My past experiences taught me to HATE instead of LOVE. Friends who backstab me, Girls who ditched me, Older people who scold me, all these people end up in the list of people I HATE. HATRED is what brings me to the brink and show me what I'm capable of. HATE! HATE!

Being alone is OK I guess!!

Life as we know is fucked up. You often ending up not getting what you want. Nothing can be more true when you're talking about matters of the heart. You build so much hopes and dreams about it and before you know it, it comes crumbling down and hits you right in the face.

I know how that felt because I've felt it over and over again. I used to believe that if you really work for something that you want, you will get results. But now after having fallen over and over again, I seem to lost my faith over those words. This is not a fairy tale people, come back to reality. This world is harsh and cruel. Sometimes when you tried hard but it still doesn't bring you back anything, then you should know when to quit.

I certainly learned my lesson about love. It stings like hell and so far it has never bring me anything other than grief and sorrow. Sometime I just thought that maybe one day I would get a chance to love again, as I did a couple of weeks ago, but it was all just lies. Maybe I'm not meant to venture into this wild territory and find happiness within it. I believe Allah has bigger plans for me and falling in love is not one of them. I have come to accept my fate of being alone and possibly dying alone. My life is short and it is not meant to be spent with another person. I ask for forgiveness if I may hurt you....

Steven Yeam Network

Yesterday I was introduced to the business world by one of my best SAS-mates, Ibrahim. He showed me a new type of multi-level marketing which is called network marketing by introducing me to this Steven Yeam Network or SYN. Basically it's sort of like recruiting new people by opening up an opportunity to another (well that is according to what they say).

So I was set up a meeting with an advisor who is a marquis who basically is generating an income of RM 10k a month. I was introduced to their business plan where I get to learn how the business works, the levels available (there are franchisee, baron, count, marquis, duke and arch duke), the amount of money generated from each level an so forth. I was quite interested with what the business has to offer but still fail to comprehend fully how the business works. Thousands of questions popped in my mind but none of them managed to appear to my mouth.

Before I met the advisor I actually did some research on the internet. It turns out that a lot of people find this program a fraud because of the high ROI and the similarities of it to a pyramid scheme (which is illegal in Malaysia). I took their oppinions noted and came in with a negative mind. But after having the advisor explaining it to me my views of the program gradually changed.He also explained why those people thought it was a fraud simply because it's new and different.

One of the things I immedietly noticed at the SYN office was that there were a lot of youngsters eg. students and fresh graduates. But make no mistake, there are some who are already in their late 40's and are experienced workers. I guess the reasons why this appeals to the younger generation is because they have a chance of becoming their own boss ( or maybe that's what they wanted to think). I cannot help to think that this program is a fraud simple because of this reason, because younger generations are still fresh to the world and easier to con.

I find it hard to sleep last night because of the thoughts in my head keep preventing me from getting some rest. I have to make a decision wether to join this or not but I can't help of thinking it will destroy my future if I did. So now I'm doing a more thorough research so that when I join it, I will have more confidence for it.

Tagged by wanie

PART 1A PICTURE OF ....

1. You

2. You and your Best friends

3. You and your number 1

4. You and your classmates (masa kt matrik dulu)

5. You and your old friends. ( which you used to be close with)

6. You and your kindergarten friend.

Xde gmbr.....

7. You and your cousin.

8. You and your siblings.

ESQ Seminar!

Just got back from a seminar. It was held on last weekend at Kuala Lunmpur International Hotel. It wasn't really my idea of attending this seminar but I had to since it was made compulsory by my scholar. It was suppose to be a leadership seminar, but after going through the whole process I'm still wondering how is it a leadership seminar? The way I see it, it's more like a religious development to me, but I have to admit it is actually quite good.

ESQ stands for Emotional Spiritual Quotient where this seminar was suppose to build both your spiritual and emotional feelings. But I think they skipped the emotional part all together and concentrate on building you spiritual self. It was meant to plant the seeds of Islam in your heart and raise your confidence towards Allah, the one true god. Well it sure did for me, as it has made me closer to the almighty. I had absolutely no doubt about Allah (well maybe I was starting to doubt Allah for a while), but now I'm glad he gave me a chance for redemption and now I have become become a true believer. The seminar thought me to love Allah more than anyone or anything else on this world and now I certainly did. It was great, not at that moment but after painstakingly going through the seminar, I never felt better. I was miserable before because I thought Allah didn't love me when I faced obstacles in my life, but now I realized Allah will never turn his back on me. God never left us, it's just that we left god.

I do, however, want to comment on the seminar itself. Why do we have to sit on the floor even though the chairs are made available by the hotel? Do the hotel charge the usage of the chairs per hour or something? My back really hurts and it's not good for the posture. And I have to comment on the food and beverages being served. They tasted like something you will find from a pile of trash in Kampung Baru. And another thing is the sound system settings, it was too loud and there was so much treble I felt like my ears was about to explode. Those are the few things that they should check to make the seminar better.

Another rather interesting point I wanted to raise, since it was a religious seminar even though they wouldn't admit it, and it was very pro-Islam (unlimited mentioning and praising to Allah and Nabi Muhammad SAW and lifting quotes from the Quran and Hadith), why was there infidel participants? What even stuns me more is that, after them having went it on the first day, why did they come back for another round? If I was put in their shoes where I was on a Christian or Buddhist seminar, I would walked off just a couple of minutes after the seminar started. I realized the seminar was very heavy and I almost couldn't take it but they, along with me succesfully completed the whole thing. I greatly admire people like that, who has extreme tolerance for another religion.

Allah is in my heart now. I am deeply sorry for all the things that I have done but now I have been given a chance to prove my worthiness. You know, if I had a wish, I wish that I can die fighting in the name of Islam, or syahid. The way of the jihad is the path I want to take. Maybe when the situation arises I will be able to answer Allah's call. ALLAHUAKBAR!!!

Cries In Vain!

Lord you know I've cried a thousand tears tonight,
But nothing seems to quench the thirst you keep on craving,
But now I need an answer to my prayers and you're not there,
So why I think you listen, listen.

Has no one told you,
your cries are all in vain,
And everyone keeps trying to take that all away,
Has no one told you,
your cries are all in vain,
Your cries.

Lord I can't disguise the look inside my eyes,
The more I try to look away the more I'm staring,
But now i need an answer to my prayers and your not there,
So why I think you listen, listen.

Has no one told you, your cries are all in vain,
And everyone keeps trying to take that all away,
Has no one told you,
your cries are all in vain,
Your cries.

Your cries in vain
Your cries in vain
Your cries in vain
Your cries in vain
I look away

Has no one told you,
your cries are all in vain,
And everyone keeps trying to take that all away,
Has no one told you,
your cries are all in vain,
Your cries.

Has nobody told you when you look away,
The stories they told you still run through your veins (x2)

New job!

I got a job today. Sales Assistant at Home-Fix One Utama. Will start on 1st of December. Finally something to do. I'm getting really bored with just staying home. Well the pay's not much, RM1100 but for a part timer that's actually quite a lot. But as I said before, it's not really about the salary, it's more on the job experience. I don't really know what I'm suppose to do but I'm sure it won't be very tough for me, hopefully. Well at least I can earn a bit of income.

Too bad I have to start at this moment since most of my friends has already started their holidays. Won't be able to hang out anytime I want now. That's a real bummer. But hey, you're welcome to visit me there anytime you want. Hopefully I can be at your service.

Death will be our cushion!

Why am I so emotional nowadays? A couple of months ago I was on top of the hill. I had no worries, no problems at all. I didn't have to work, I didn't have to go study but most of all, I didn't have to care about anyone. I was alone and actually enjoying it, and I thought my friends being burdened by their girlfriends are all dumb shits. But due to a reason I cannot tell you, I'm still alone now and dread every second of it.

I am quite tired of being alone. It feels like you're trapped at the bottom of the ocean, it's cold and dark, and the weight of the whole world is crushing down on you. I tried to scream to the top of my lungs, hoping that someone would find me and rescue me, but it was to no avail. My cries were all in vain and everyone doesn't seem to care. I'm just another brick in the wall.

I'm sorry for being this emotional. Normally I'm not like this. I used to listen to metal music to keep me tough and strong and fit for this world. But that couldn't save me now. I have to go on living that the one I loved is happy with someone else. Now tell how the fuck am I suppose to do that? Be strong and let go? I have let go so many times that I'm starting to believe I was meant to live my life all on my own. I know if you love someone set them free but have that someone ever thought about what they are doing to you? Do they know that while they are happily holding hands the other person might be pointing a gun to his head, ready to pull the trigger? I'm tired of this. Really tired.......

I need Metal Music to live!

If you know me, you would realize that I am hugely addicted to metal music. Sit next to me in my car and you're up for some head banging. But the real reason for me for listening to metal music is not for gaining notoriety like what most losers would do (like those fucking Dragonforce fanboys), but actually it has deeply embedded into my heart and soul. It is something that I cannot just throw it away.

I used to be like you, listening to jiwang songs. Back when I was in matrik, that was all that I listened to. But when times are hard especially when you've fallen apart, then you realize that those songs will eat you from within. They will tear up your soul and destroy your will to live. There are cases of people commiting suicide just because they listened to this sad songs while having a heartache.

I'm glad I found metal music, it has changed my life. I have become rebellious and more self-centered, but I have also become strong and fit for this cruel world. I know what I'm listening to is not the heaviest metal nor is it black metal, but instead of filling my heart with love, which was always empty and unfullfiled, I filled it with hatred.

Dude get a life!

Ok I admit it! I don't have a life. Just sitting at home now waiting for february to come is so boooring. Currently i have been on 'holiday' for the past 6 months and I can't stand it anymore. I need to do something, my brain has been turned off for such a long time and it's getting really rusty. I cannot even do simple math equations nowadays. Dude I'm bored!

I was suppose to enroll to Segi College for a twinning programme with Sheffield University last September. But since I got a scholarship, I wasn't allowed to continue with that programme since it's not recognised by Sime Darby as one of their piers. So I was given a choice, to continue either to UNITEN or Monash University. Of course I picked Monash mainly because I will be given the opportunity to further my studies to the Australian campus via credit transfer. Before that I filled in applications to 5 different Australian University in an attempt to persuade Sime Darby to give me a direct overseas scholarship. I was offered unconditional acceptance to 4 universities, Melbourne, Queensland, QUT, and ANU. But then my family and I decided to just go with the twinning programme offer since it is the safest choice. Can't afford losing the scholarship otherwise die la. What a waste, we payed a thousand ringgit just to apply for the universities.

So now I'm sitting in front of my computer doing pretty much, nothing. And I have been doing that for 6 months now. Sime Darby was suppose to give me an internship somewhere in this month but it seems they don't have enough vacancy. They have to give priorities to those students who have already started their studies (unlike me). So there might be vacancy next month but that seems to be such a long time for me to wait. So currently I'm just browsing around looking for jobs. I filled in applications to hardware stores such as Home-Fix because I love the area. It's not so much on the salary but more towards the job experience and actually having something to do than just sitting on my ass all day long.

I occasionally go out and party(not really) with my friends. There was this girl who asked me out on a date. Wow, I was so surprised I couldn't contain my excitement at that time. I never thought anyone would want to go out with me. I never had any dates or girlfriends whatsoever. I envy my friends who seem to be so happy going out with their girlfriend. I never had that experience but I'm hoping to gain it with this opportunity. But I fear that may be as far as it can go since that girl has someone else on her mind. I fear I'm just someone to accompany her until she finds a better replacement. I know it's going to happen so why bother trying right? I really like that girl and would happily spend my time with her but it might be unrequited love. Here it goes again, getting left in the dark. I have been dissappointed so many times that some was surprised how I could remain strong. To tell you the truth even though I may look steady and calm on the outside, but deep inside I'm nothing more than a pathetic loser. Damn it, it is so hard. I don't think I can't stand another reject. Last time it turned so sour that I seem to lost all hope to live. Suicide was in my mind. So now I'm not going to set my hopes up too much. I'm just going to lay back and let God determines it. Just have to toughen myself up and let my dreams go. Men aren't meant to find happiness in this world anyways.

My favorite guitarists!

This is my list of TOP 5 guitarist that I adore and has influenced me to practice shredding and to become a better guitarist:



5. Kerry King (Slayer) - Love his work in Angel of Death but most of all he’s using my dream guitar, BC Rich Warlock. I want that guitar so much, it is so beautiful. The headstock is brilliant and more metal than any other brand. But the problem now is BC Rich is rarely found in Malaysian guitar shop as it is not distributed here anymore. The China made models has so many problems that the dealers stop replenishing their stocks.




























4. Synyster Gates (Avenged Sevenfold) - This would probably be the only guitarist you now here since the band itself is doing so well now. His sound has been praised by many and Guitar World hailed him as one of the fastest guitarist of all time. There's one type of technique that he oftenly used where other guitarist couldn't master or at least rarely use it and it is the use of quadruplets instead of triplets alternative picking. We got the the same pickup, Seymour Duncan Invader…. ha haa



























3. Joe Satriani - No one else has the skills or experience to rival this guy. He is the creator of the G3 group and he is the master of sound and effects. His students : Steve Vai, Kirk Hammett, Alex Skolnick.





















2. Yngwie Malmsteen - I cannot stop talking about this guy. Love him that much. He don’t need skill or effect or sound to impress people. Just speed and loads of it. No other pro can play like him. Already tried his signature scalloped strat. Best gile wei, just 6 notes played and i'm hooked. Never thought it would be that easy and comfortable to play scalloped frets since a lot of people complained about it.





















1. Alexi Laiho (Children Of Bodom) - COB and Sinergy rules. No other band has the energy and harmonics to match up to what this guy has. Love his Jackson RR-LL one of my dream guitar too. His ESP signature is not as beautiful as the Jackson but better quality and sound la. I've already tested the model with EMG-HZ pickups and it was awesome.This guy got me into shred and you can never go wrong with Alexi Laiho. Also a big fan of his co-guitarist too, Roope Latvala. My god his signature ESP is beautiful. Sinergy guitar battles way better than Dragonforce. Period…..

Life sucks.....

There's no question to it. It's definite that life sucks and no matter what you do to turn it around, it will always flip back to the dark side. I'm so tired of it you know, because it's really been pushing me back. I'm tired of everything, sometimes I just wish I could end it all. But even though how hard the situation might get, I must streghten up and brace for it. What doesn't kill me only makes me stronger right? But it justs keep pummeling me over and over and each jab hurts so much. I don't know how much or how long I can take it.

Metal for Life!

Hey wassup everyone and hows it hangin. Metal rawks yeah! If you realize nowadays the underground scene is full of metal bands and it really is rising here in Malaysia. One day it might topple over R&B and Rap and dominate the top charts. But I'm not here to talk about the Malaysian bands that you might be interested in (since I don't know shit about them), I want to talk about the ones the whole world hail them. One thing about metal is guitar solos is a must and fast and outrageous it should be.

- Metallica: very good for people who are thinking of picking up metal bhut don't stop at it. Metallica is actually looked down upon by the metal community and it you think that you are too cool for listening just to them then you are nothing but a poser and a bastard.

- Avenged Sevenfold : Very good metalcore turned to hard rock band. There is a lot of debate and discussion whether this band is metal or just a hard rock band, but make no mistake their first two album is definitely from the metalcore origin. Check out the popular song Unholy Confession. It seems that the band wanted to soften up and I don't really know why. But one thing is for sure the guitarworks is marvelous and smooth. Synyster Gates is hailed as one of the fastest guitarist in the world.

- Bullet for My Valentine : A bit of an emo band. They're most favorite works are All These Things I Hate and Tears Don't Fall. I kinda like this band as it is full of emotions but theyre latest album they filled it up with hate. Waking The Demon is a prime example of the shifting of style this band is going through and I have to say I love the outcome.

- Dragonforce : This band falls in a subcategory call NERD metal. Stupid band. It only got famous because one of their stupid songs got famous in guitar heroes 3. Every song sounds the same and have you seen their music video? It is a lot of gibberish and makes no sense at all. I know the guitar solos are really good and cannot complain that Herman Li and Sam Tottman are wonderful shredders, but they're horrible musician. Want to show off every second and there is absolutely no harmony and plotting in their songs. The whole nerd community praises them for being able to make them think they're cool and the whole metal community disses them for ruining the metal scene.

- Children of Bodom : My favorite band. I love the songs, the harmonics, the effects used, the timing , the guitarworks, the keyboardist and almost everything. This is a death metal band that comes to shock the world by storm. Alexi Laiho is my favorite guitarist and I aspire to be like him. I learned to play a lot of COB songs and it has a helped me a lot in my guitar playing. Songs you should definitely listen are Needled 24/7, Are you dead yet?, Lake Bodom, and Angel don't kill.

I know there is a lot of other famous bands that I haven't covered yet but the list up there is just to get you started. For more information of other metal band google it up.

To all readers,



Forgive me if my blog is lame, as this is my first time blogging. First thing you all should know is the reason why I started blogging is because I'm so tired with this cruel and harsh world and this blog seems to be the only place I can spill my hearts contents while remaining anonymous.



Are you tired with your life? Does anything ever seen to come by your way? Does the whole world seems to be crushing down on you? Do you wish to end your pathetic life? If you do, then you are in the same category as me.....a suicidal moron. Damn it....I want to share with you a poem I created...

Is it true that you really hate me,
Someone said that we shall never be,
That's why you gave me that look,
Wishing that we never knew.

I love you with all my heart,
I would die for you if it's that hard,
But you don't seem to cherish me,
Since I am not who you want me to be.

I am so tired of living,
For I felt so alone and cold,
I wish I knew what is loving,
And to know of someone to hold.

So long I bid you my love,
And I wish you all the best,
For you the one I have loved,
And so long I laid to rest.