Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Death will be our cushion!

Why am I so emotional nowadays? A couple of months ago I was on top of the hill. I had no worries, no problems at all. I didn't have to work, I didn't have to go study but most of all, I didn't have to care about anyone. I was alone and actually enjoying it, and I thought my friends being burdened by their girlfriends are all dumb shits. But due to a reason I cannot tell you, I'm still alone now and dread every second of it.

I am quite tired of being alone. It feels like you're trapped at the bottom of the ocean, it's cold and dark, and the weight of the whole world is crushing down on you. I tried to scream to the top of my lungs, hoping that someone would find me and rescue me, but it was to no avail. My cries were all in vain and everyone doesn't seem to care. I'm just another brick in the wall.

I'm sorry for being this emotional. Normally I'm not like this. I used to listen to metal music to keep me tough and strong and fit for this world. But that couldn't save me now. I have to go on living that the one I loved is happy with someone else. Now tell how the fuck am I suppose to do that? Be strong and let go? I have let go so many times that I'm starting to believe I was meant to live my life all on my own. I know if you love someone set them free but have that someone ever thought about what they are doing to you? Do they know that while they are happily holding hands the other person might be pointing a gun to his head, ready to pull the trigger? I'm tired of this. Really tired.......

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