ESQ Seminar!

Just got back from a seminar. It was held on last weekend at Kuala Lunmpur International Hotel. It wasn't really my idea of attending this seminar but I had to since it was made compulsory by my scholar. It was suppose to be a leadership seminar, but after going through the whole process I'm still wondering how is it a leadership seminar? The way I see it, it's more like a religious development to me, but I have to admit it is actually quite good.

ESQ stands for Emotional Spiritual Quotient where this seminar was suppose to build both your spiritual and emotional feelings. But I think they skipped the emotional part all together and concentrate on building you spiritual self. It was meant to plant the seeds of Islam in your heart and raise your confidence towards Allah, the one true god. Well it sure did for me, as it has made me closer to the almighty. I had absolutely no doubt about Allah (well maybe I was starting to doubt Allah for a while), but now I'm glad he gave me a chance for redemption and now I have become become a true believer. The seminar thought me to love Allah more than anyone or anything else on this world and now I certainly did. It was great, not at that moment but after painstakingly going through the seminar, I never felt better. I was miserable before because I thought Allah didn't love me when I faced obstacles in my life, but now I realized Allah will never turn his back on me. God never left us, it's just that we left god.

I do, however, want to comment on the seminar itself. Why do we have to sit on the floor even though the chairs are made available by the hotel? Do the hotel charge the usage of the chairs per hour or something? My back really hurts and it's not good for the posture. And I have to comment on the food and beverages being served. They tasted like something you will find from a pile of trash in Kampung Baru. And another thing is the sound system settings, it was too loud and there was so much treble I felt like my ears was about to explode. Those are the few things that they should check to make the seminar better.

Another rather interesting point I wanted to raise, since it was a religious seminar even though they wouldn't admit it, and it was very pro-Islam (unlimited mentioning and praising to Allah and Nabi Muhammad SAW and lifting quotes from the Quran and Hadith), why was there infidel participants? What even stuns me more is that, after them having went it on the first day, why did they come back for another round? If I was put in their shoes where I was on a Christian or Buddhist seminar, I would walked off just a couple of minutes after the seminar started. I realized the seminar was very heavy and I almost couldn't take it but they, along with me succesfully completed the whole thing. I greatly admire people like that, who has extreme tolerance for another religion.

Allah is in my heart now. I am deeply sorry for all the things that I have done but now I have been given a chance to prove my worthiness. You know, if I had a wish, I wish that I can die fighting in the name of Islam, or syahid. The way of the jihad is the path I want to take. Maybe when the situation arises I will be able to answer Allah's call. ALLAHUAKBAR!!!

Cries In Vain!

Lord you know I've cried a thousand tears tonight,
But nothing seems to quench the thirst you keep on craving,
But now I need an answer to my prayers and you're not there,
So why I think you listen, listen.

Has no one told you,
your cries are all in vain,
And everyone keeps trying to take that all away,
Has no one told you,
your cries are all in vain,
Your cries.

Lord I can't disguise the look inside my eyes,
The more I try to look away the more I'm staring,
But now i need an answer to my prayers and your not there,
So why I think you listen, listen.

Has no one told you, your cries are all in vain,
And everyone keeps trying to take that all away,
Has no one told you,
your cries are all in vain,
Your cries.

Your cries in vain
Your cries in vain
Your cries in vain
Your cries in vain
I look away

Has no one told you,
your cries are all in vain,
And everyone keeps trying to take that all away,
Has no one told you,
your cries are all in vain,
Your cries.

Has nobody told you when you look away,
The stories they told you still run through your veins (x2)

New job!

I got a job today. Sales Assistant at Home-Fix One Utama. Will start on 1st of December. Finally something to do. I'm getting really bored with just staying home. Well the pay's not much, RM1100 but for a part timer that's actually quite a lot. But as I said before, it's not really about the salary, it's more on the job experience. I don't really know what I'm suppose to do but I'm sure it won't be very tough for me, hopefully. Well at least I can earn a bit of income.

Too bad I have to start at this moment since most of my friends has already started their holidays. Won't be able to hang out anytime I want now. That's a real bummer. But hey, you're welcome to visit me there anytime you want. Hopefully I can be at your service.

Death will be our cushion!

Why am I so emotional nowadays? A couple of months ago I was on top of the hill. I had no worries, no problems at all. I didn't have to work, I didn't have to go study but most of all, I didn't have to care about anyone. I was alone and actually enjoying it, and I thought my friends being burdened by their girlfriends are all dumb shits. But due to a reason I cannot tell you, I'm still alone now and dread every second of it.

I am quite tired of being alone. It feels like you're trapped at the bottom of the ocean, it's cold and dark, and the weight of the whole world is crushing down on you. I tried to scream to the top of my lungs, hoping that someone would find me and rescue me, but it was to no avail. My cries were all in vain and everyone doesn't seem to care. I'm just another brick in the wall.

I'm sorry for being this emotional. Normally I'm not like this. I used to listen to metal music to keep me tough and strong and fit for this world. But that couldn't save me now. I have to go on living that the one I loved is happy with someone else. Now tell how the fuck am I suppose to do that? Be strong and let go? I have let go so many times that I'm starting to believe I was meant to live my life all on my own. I know if you love someone set them free but have that someone ever thought about what they are doing to you? Do they know that while they are happily holding hands the other person might be pointing a gun to his head, ready to pull the trigger? I'm tired of this. Really tired.......

I need Metal Music to live!

If you know me, you would realize that I am hugely addicted to metal music. Sit next to me in my car and you're up for some head banging. But the real reason for me for listening to metal music is not for gaining notoriety like what most losers would do (like those fucking Dragonforce fanboys), but actually it has deeply embedded into my heart and soul. It is something that I cannot just throw it away.

I used to be like you, listening to jiwang songs. Back when I was in matrik, that was all that I listened to. But when times are hard especially when you've fallen apart, then you realize that those songs will eat you from within. They will tear up your soul and destroy your will to live. There are cases of people commiting suicide just because they listened to this sad songs while having a heartache.

I'm glad I found metal music, it has changed my life. I have become rebellious and more self-centered, but I have also become strong and fit for this cruel world. I know what I'm listening to is not the heaviest metal nor is it black metal, but instead of filling my heart with love, which was always empty and unfullfiled, I filled it with hatred.

Dude get a life!

Ok I admit it! I don't have a life. Just sitting at home now waiting for february to come is so boooring. Currently i have been on 'holiday' for the past 6 months and I can't stand it anymore. I need to do something, my brain has been turned off for such a long time and it's getting really rusty. I cannot even do simple math equations nowadays. Dude I'm bored!

I was suppose to enroll to Segi College for a twinning programme with Sheffield University last September. But since I got a scholarship, I wasn't allowed to continue with that programme since it's not recognised by Sime Darby as one of their piers. So I was given a choice, to continue either to UNITEN or Monash University. Of course I picked Monash mainly because I will be given the opportunity to further my studies to the Australian campus via credit transfer. Before that I filled in applications to 5 different Australian University in an attempt to persuade Sime Darby to give me a direct overseas scholarship. I was offered unconditional acceptance to 4 universities, Melbourne, Queensland, QUT, and ANU. But then my family and I decided to just go with the twinning programme offer since it is the safest choice. Can't afford losing the scholarship otherwise die la. What a waste, we payed a thousand ringgit just to apply for the universities.

So now I'm sitting in front of my computer doing pretty much, nothing. And I have been doing that for 6 months now. Sime Darby was suppose to give me an internship somewhere in this month but it seems they don't have enough vacancy. They have to give priorities to those students who have already started their studies (unlike me). So there might be vacancy next month but that seems to be such a long time for me to wait. So currently I'm just browsing around looking for jobs. I filled in applications to hardware stores such as Home-Fix because I love the area. It's not so much on the salary but more towards the job experience and actually having something to do than just sitting on my ass all day long.

I occasionally go out and party(not really) with my friends. There was this girl who asked me out on a date. Wow, I was so surprised I couldn't contain my excitement at that time. I never thought anyone would want to go out with me. I never had any dates or girlfriends whatsoever. I envy my friends who seem to be so happy going out with their girlfriend. I never had that experience but I'm hoping to gain it with this opportunity. But I fear that may be as far as it can go since that girl has someone else on her mind. I fear I'm just someone to accompany her until she finds a better replacement. I know it's going to happen so why bother trying right? I really like that girl and would happily spend my time with her but it might be unrequited love. Here it goes again, getting left in the dark. I have been dissappointed so many times that some was surprised how I could remain strong. To tell you the truth even though I may look steady and calm on the outside, but deep inside I'm nothing more than a pathetic loser. Damn it, it is so hard. I don't think I can't stand another reject. Last time it turned so sour that I seem to lost all hope to live. Suicide was in my mind. So now I'm not going to set my hopes up too much. I'm just going to lay back and let God determines it. Just have to toughen myself up and let my dreams go. Men aren't meant to find happiness in this world anyways.

My favorite guitarists!

This is my list of TOP 5 guitarist that I adore and has influenced me to practice shredding and to become a better guitarist:



5. Kerry King (Slayer) - Love his work in Angel of Death but most of all he’s using my dream guitar, BC Rich Warlock. I want that guitar so much, it is so beautiful. The headstock is brilliant and more metal than any other brand. But the problem now is BC Rich is rarely found in Malaysian guitar shop as it is not distributed here anymore. The China made models has so many problems that the dealers stop replenishing their stocks.




























4. Synyster Gates (Avenged Sevenfold) - This would probably be the only guitarist you now here since the band itself is doing so well now. His sound has been praised by many and Guitar World hailed him as one of the fastest guitarist of all time. There's one type of technique that he oftenly used where other guitarist couldn't master or at least rarely use it and it is the use of quadruplets instead of triplets alternative picking. We got the the same pickup, Seymour Duncan Invader…. ha haa



























3. Joe Satriani - No one else has the skills or experience to rival this guy. He is the creator of the G3 group and he is the master of sound and effects. His students : Steve Vai, Kirk Hammett, Alex Skolnick.





















2. Yngwie Malmsteen - I cannot stop talking about this guy. Love him that much. He don’t need skill or effect or sound to impress people. Just speed and loads of it. No other pro can play like him. Already tried his signature scalloped strat. Best gile wei, just 6 notes played and i'm hooked. Never thought it would be that easy and comfortable to play scalloped frets since a lot of people complained about it.





















1. Alexi Laiho (Children Of Bodom) - COB and Sinergy rules. No other band has the energy and harmonics to match up to what this guy has. Love his Jackson RR-LL one of my dream guitar too. His ESP signature is not as beautiful as the Jackson but better quality and sound la. I've already tested the model with EMG-HZ pickups and it was awesome.This guy got me into shred and you can never go wrong with Alexi Laiho. Also a big fan of his co-guitarist too, Roope Latvala. My god his signature ESP is beautiful. Sinergy guitar battles way better than Dragonforce. Period…..

Life sucks.....

There's no question to it. It's definite that life sucks and no matter what you do to turn it around, it will always flip back to the dark side. I'm so tired of it you know, because it's really been pushing me back. I'm tired of everything, sometimes I just wish I could end it all. But even though how hard the situation might get, I must streghten up and brace for it. What doesn't kill me only makes me stronger right? But it justs keep pummeling me over and over and each jab hurts so much. I don't know how much or how long I can take it.