Dude get a life!

Ok I admit it! I don't have a life. Just sitting at home now waiting for february to come is so boooring. Currently i have been on 'holiday' for the past 6 months and I can't stand it anymore. I need to do something, my brain has been turned off for such a long time and it's getting really rusty. I cannot even do simple math equations nowadays. Dude I'm bored!

I was suppose to enroll to Segi College for a twinning programme with Sheffield University last September. But since I got a scholarship, I wasn't allowed to continue with that programme since it's not recognised by Sime Darby as one of their piers. So I was given a choice, to continue either to UNITEN or Monash University. Of course I picked Monash mainly because I will be given the opportunity to further my studies to the Australian campus via credit transfer. Before that I filled in applications to 5 different Australian University in an attempt to persuade Sime Darby to give me a direct overseas scholarship. I was offered unconditional acceptance to 4 universities, Melbourne, Queensland, QUT, and ANU. But then my family and I decided to just go with the twinning programme offer since it is the safest choice. Can't afford losing the scholarship otherwise die la. What a waste, we payed a thousand ringgit just to apply for the universities.

So now I'm sitting in front of my computer doing pretty much, nothing. And I have been doing that for 6 months now. Sime Darby was suppose to give me an internship somewhere in this month but it seems they don't have enough vacancy. They have to give priorities to those students who have already started their studies (unlike me). So there might be vacancy next month but that seems to be such a long time for me to wait. So currently I'm just browsing around looking for jobs. I filled in applications to hardware stores such as Home-Fix because I love the area. It's not so much on the salary but more towards the job experience and actually having something to do than just sitting on my ass all day long.

I occasionally go out and party(not really) with my friends. There was this girl who asked me out on a date. Wow, I was so surprised I couldn't contain my excitement at that time. I never thought anyone would want to go out with me. I never had any dates or girlfriends whatsoever. I envy my friends who seem to be so happy going out with their girlfriend. I never had that experience but I'm hoping to gain it with this opportunity. But I fear that may be as far as it can go since that girl has someone else on her mind. I fear I'm just someone to accompany her until she finds a better replacement. I know it's going to happen so why bother trying right? I really like that girl and would happily spend my time with her but it might be unrequited love. Here it goes again, getting left in the dark. I have been dissappointed so many times that some was surprised how I could remain strong. To tell you the truth even though I may look steady and calm on the outside, but deep inside I'm nothing more than a pathetic loser. Damn it, it is so hard. I don't think I can't stand another reject. Last time it turned so sour that I seem to lost all hope to live. Suicide was in my mind. So now I'm not going to set my hopes up too much. I'm just going to lay back and let God determines it. Just have to toughen myself up and let my dreams go. Men aren't meant to find happiness in this world anyways.